"A bodily disease, which we look upon as whole and entire within itself,
may, after all, be but a symptom of some ailment in the spiritual part."
- Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter
A Healing Ceremony
Intent
This ceremony is intended to open hearts, minds, and lines of communication in an ailing relationship. It is not intended to replace therapy of any kind, but rather to augment any professional counselling that may be occurring. This ceremony is not religious, but is spiritual in nature, designed to fit well into any religion or system of belief. It may be used for any relationship that is in need of help, be it mother/daughter, life partners, friends, or even student/teacher. Readings may be adapted as suits the couple or group in need.
Setting
This ceremony is best performed indoors or in a very sheltered, quiet place. Comfort of the participants is paramount, physically, mentally and emotionally. The temperature, level of lighting, background noises and other distractions should be kept at the least intrusive level possible. Soft music may be played in the background if external sounds are taking away from the quiet healing space. The area should be clean, free of dust and debris of all kind. Pillows and low chairs may be provided for any who need them, but tall chairs and tables should be avoided, as they provide a physical barrier between the parties needing healing. Sitting on the floor is the best possible scenario, when appropriate.
A low table should be settled to one side in such a way that it is not blocking anyone involved. Cover the table with a muted altar cloth, and place a central candle upon it (make certain that it is safe to burn for one or more hours, and that wax can safely drip without causing harm). Invite each participant to put a religious or special symbol on the altar, something that evokes peace from their soul or offers comfort. There should be a “talking stick” available, used to denote the person speaking, who may not be interrupted.
Sacred Space
Prior to the ceremony, the space should be smudged with sage or purified with a salt and water mix (or holy water). The essence should be spread liberally, three circumambulations around. The first time, the healer should concentrate firmly on cleansing the space of all negative energies and feelings. The second time, the healer should focus on clearing the space to a neutral feel. The third time, the healer should visualize the presence of Divine energy radiating through the space, holding the area clean, safe, and sacred.
As the ceremony begins, everyone except the healer should seat themselves in a circle on the floor, with the altar at one edge (but not in a divisive manner). The healer should reserve the space beside the altar, so she will be able to reach things. If at all possible, every person sitting should be able to stretch forward and touch everyone else, though to begin, everyone should be sitting by themselves, close but not touching one another. Participants may want to bring a notebook and pencil for jotting down notes, but it is not strictly necessary.
Opening Prayer
The healer should stand or kneel by the altar, facing the participants.
Healer:
Today we come together to find healing. We come together to heal brokenness. We come together to ask for understanding. Each of you sees Divinity in different ways, but each of you knows the gentle touch of that Divinity personally in your lives. We ask now for the Divine, in whatever and all forms, to join us as we lance your wounds and open your hearts. We ask the Divine to hold us safely, to guide our words and our thoughts as needed, and to help us truly hear what each of us has to say. We ask the Divine to cherish us and help heal the pain we will experience during this ceremony and beyond. In the spirit of all things holy, we ask this. Amen.
Healer:
Please take a few moments to breathe deeply and center yourselves. No one here is perfect, and that is alright. We are human, and hold human foibles and mistakes. This is a time to admit, embrace, and perhaps move past those frailties into something more. Be gentle with yourselves, and above all else, do not forget to breathe, and continue breathing throughout our ceremony.
Healer holds up “talking stick” to show everyone. This may be an actual talking stick, a stone, or even a wooden spoon. The item does not matter; what matters is what it represents.
Healer:
This is a talking stick. When one of you holds the talking stick, all others will be silent and listen attentively. When one of you holds this, you will speak honestly and openly, but also keep in mind that you must speak gently and without venom. I encourage you to speak your minds, to share your feelings, but remember “I” phrases. Be careful not to put words, emotions or feelings onto another during this ceremony.
The Healer hands out a brief explanation of The Four Agreements and references it as she continues.
Healer:
As you speak, remind yourself of the following statements:
Life Prayers
There are moments when wellness escapes us,
moments when pain and suffering
are not dim possibilities
but all too agonizing realities.
At such moments we must open ourselves to healing.
Much we can do for ourselves;
and what we can do
we must do –
healing,
no less than illness,
is participatory.
But even when we do all we can do
there is,
often,
still much left to be done.
And so we turn as well to our healers
seeking their skill to aid in our struggle for wellness.
But even when they do all they can do
there is,
often,
still much left to be done.
And so we turn to Life,
to the vast Power of Being that animates the universe
as the ocean animates the wave,
seeking to let go of that which blocks our healing.
May those whose lives are gripped in the palm of suffering
open
even now
to the Wonder of Life.
May they let go of the hurt
and Meet the True Self beyond pain,
the Uncarved Block
that is our joyous unity with Holiness.
May they discover through pain and torment
the strength to live with grace and humor.
May they discover through doubt and anguish
the strength to live with dignity and holiness.
May they discover through suffering and fear
the strength to move toward healing.
Healer:
Open your eyes and look at each other. Truly see one another. Regardless of anything else, know in your very soul that these people love you. Nothing that is said here today is spoken in retribution. Nothing that is said is meant to be a weapon. You may hurt because of what is said, but be aware that the pain is your own, and do your best to let that pain wash away.
The Healer holds up the talking stick.
Healer:
I want each person in turn to take a couple of minutes and say something positive about each of the others here. Take your time. Speak only the positive at this moment.
The Healer hands the talking stick to the first person. Allow each person to say something positive and work around the circle. If necessary for the participants, an egg timer or other timing device may be used. If anyone begins to wander into the negative, the Healer should gently nudge them back to positive commentary.
Healer:
Thank you. Everyone take a deep, cleansing breath. If you feel any stress right now, try and let it go out with the breath. Take a moment to look at your symbol on the altar, and at all the other symbols. Remember that we are in safe space, present here to heal.
The Healer holds the talking stick again and waits patiently until people are once more settled. It may take a few moments depending on the depth of what was shared.
Healer:
Now we will begin to address the problems. As the talking stick goes around, I want you to say one negative thing. Keep in mind that this is not an attack of any kind. Be responsible in your communication. Ask yourself, Is what I am about to say true? Is what I am about to say necessary? Is it helpful? Does it have the potential to cause harm? Is this the appropriate time and place to say this? Am I willing to accept full responsibility for saying this? Share your truth, be honest with yourself and with us, but work diligently to speak without attack or external anger. Again, find within yourself one criticism of each person, one thing that truly bothers you in regards to them, and speak it quietly and with loving honesty.
The Healer hands the talking stick to the person who was last, previously. Allow each person to say their critique and work around the circle. If necessary for the participants, an egg timer or other timing device may be used. If anyone begins to wander into attacks or depression, the Healer should gently remind them of the process being practiced.
Healer:
Thank you. Thank yourselves. That was difficult and stressful, for everyone. Take a few moments to breathe, to ground the tension. Please be silent as you do this; this is not the right time to talk to one another. Think on what you heard, and attempt to let it pass over and through you.
The Healer holds sacred space for a few moments, letting people ground and center again. If necessary, this can be guided, though it is best to allow people to struggle a bit on their own. This process is painful, and often the struggle itself is healing.
Healer:
The talking stick is going to go around again. This time, I want you to think of solutions. You heard the critiques of the others. Be aware that even if you don't consider their critique to be “real” or “valid,” it is still how they feel, and in that, it is real. Consider what you can do to help the other person work through their difficulties with you. It isn't your job to make them feel better, but know that a small change on your part could bring about the space needed for healing on the other's part. This portion of our ceremony will take a little longer, and there may be a bit of back and forth if you need reminding of the other person's critique. Keep back-and-forth communication to a minimum – this is not a time for debate, but time for thinking and pondering, and for giving a little bit.
The Healer hands the talking stick to the person who was last, previously. Allow each person to speak their solution and work around the circle. If necessary for the participants, an egg timer or other timing device may be used. If anyone begins to wander, get into conversations or dialogue, the Healer should gently remind them of the process and guide them back to the task at hand.
Healer:
Thank you. Thank one another. Take a moment and assess how you are feeling right now. Remember to breathe!
The Healer will continue to hold sacred space. A small amount of back and forth can be enjoyed at this moment, but should be kept brief and on task. At the end of it, the Healer should bring everyone's attention back to herself, and the talking stick.
Healer:
This last time the talking stick goes around our circle, I want you to make an, “I need” statement. It can be to a specific person, or to the group as a whole. This should not be a statement that includes someone else. For example, you should not say, “I need John Smith to stop getting the children riled up at bedtime.” Instead, it should be more general, such as, “I need help calming the children at bedtime.”
The Healer hands the talking stick to the person who was last, previously. Allow each person to state their need and work around the circle. If necessary for the participants, an egg timer or other timing device may be used. If anyone begins to involve others instead of self, the Healer should gently remind them of the process and guide them back to the task at hand.
Healer:
Thank you. Thank ourselves for allowing this process to happen. At this time, I'd like you all to join hands and look at one another. Consciously open your heart to these people who care enough about this relationship to be here doing this difficult thing. Continue to look at one another as I speak.
The Healer will stay outside the circle of relationship that is being formed, and allow it to grow as it will.
Healer:
Divine, by the many names we call you, thank you for being with us. Thank you for holding us. Thank you for cherishing us. As we walk away from this ceremony, let these raw souls be touched with healing balm. Let them remember again the joy of living and loving one another. Help them to communicate with one another effectively and lovingly over the days and weeks that follow.
As they work through all that has been revealed in this ceremony, they will find that they are sore again. Just as a healing wound hurts, itches, and causes discomfort, so the healing of these emotional wounds will be bothersome. May the gods of our hearts and souls wrap arms around them, not to suffocate or magically heal them but to give them the internal space to work through the pain. Let their words be seen and heard in the most positive and healing of ways. May they see one another with fresh eyes, with patience and understanding that they are only human. Amen.
The Healer brings everyone's attention back to her, and continues.
Healer:
It may be that you have much to say right now, or it could be that you want to be alone to think and meditate. Do your best to respect the needs of one another. Be aware of each other, and be supportive. Thank you, each one of you, for being here and being committed to healing.
Please join me in singing Go Now in Peace.
Go now in peace
Go now in peace
May the love of God surround us
Everywhere
Everywhere
We may go.
Healer:
And now, we all go in peace.
This ceremony is intended to open hearts, minds, and lines of communication in an ailing relationship. It is not intended to replace therapy of any kind, but rather to augment any professional counselling that may be occurring. This ceremony is not religious, but is spiritual in nature, designed to fit well into any religion or system of belief. It may be used for any relationship that is in need of help, be it mother/daughter, life partners, friends, or even student/teacher. Readings may be adapted as suits the couple or group in need.
Setting
This ceremony is best performed indoors or in a very sheltered, quiet place. Comfort of the participants is paramount, physically, mentally and emotionally. The temperature, level of lighting, background noises and other distractions should be kept at the least intrusive level possible. Soft music may be played in the background if external sounds are taking away from the quiet healing space. The area should be clean, free of dust and debris of all kind. Pillows and low chairs may be provided for any who need them, but tall chairs and tables should be avoided, as they provide a physical barrier between the parties needing healing. Sitting on the floor is the best possible scenario, when appropriate.
A low table should be settled to one side in such a way that it is not blocking anyone involved. Cover the table with a muted altar cloth, and place a central candle upon it (make certain that it is safe to burn for one or more hours, and that wax can safely drip without causing harm). Invite each participant to put a religious or special symbol on the altar, something that evokes peace from their soul or offers comfort. There should be a “talking stick” available, used to denote the person speaking, who may not be interrupted.
Sacred Space
Prior to the ceremony, the space should be smudged with sage or purified with a salt and water mix (or holy water). The essence should be spread liberally, three circumambulations around. The first time, the healer should concentrate firmly on cleansing the space of all negative energies and feelings. The second time, the healer should focus on clearing the space to a neutral feel. The third time, the healer should visualize the presence of Divine energy radiating through the space, holding the area clean, safe, and sacred.
As the ceremony begins, everyone except the healer should seat themselves in a circle on the floor, with the altar at one edge (but not in a divisive manner). The healer should reserve the space beside the altar, so she will be able to reach things. If at all possible, every person sitting should be able to stretch forward and touch everyone else, though to begin, everyone should be sitting by themselves, close but not touching one another. Participants may want to bring a notebook and pencil for jotting down notes, but it is not strictly necessary.
Opening Prayer
The healer should stand or kneel by the altar, facing the participants.
Healer:
Today we come together to find healing. We come together to heal brokenness. We come together to ask for understanding. Each of you sees Divinity in different ways, but each of you knows the gentle touch of that Divinity personally in your lives. We ask now for the Divine, in whatever and all forms, to join us as we lance your wounds and open your hearts. We ask the Divine to hold us safely, to guide our words and our thoughts as needed, and to help us truly hear what each of us has to say. We ask the Divine to cherish us and help heal the pain we will experience during this ceremony and beyond. In the spirit of all things holy, we ask this. Amen.
Healer:
Please take a few moments to breathe deeply and center yourselves. No one here is perfect, and that is alright. We are human, and hold human foibles and mistakes. This is a time to admit, embrace, and perhaps move past those frailties into something more. Be gentle with yourselves, and above all else, do not forget to breathe, and continue breathing throughout our ceremony.
Healer holds up “talking stick” to show everyone. This may be an actual talking stick, a stone, or even a wooden spoon. The item does not matter; what matters is what it represents.
Healer:
This is a talking stick. When one of you holds the talking stick, all others will be silent and listen attentively. When one of you holds this, you will speak honestly and openly, but also keep in mind that you must speak gently and without venom. I encourage you to speak your minds, to share your feelings, but remember “I” phrases. Be careful not to put words, emotions or feelings onto another during this ceremony.
The Healer hands out a brief explanation of The Four Agreements and references it as she continues.
Healer:
As you speak, remind yourself of the following statements:
- Be impeccable with your word.
- Don't take anything personally.
- Don't make assumptions.
- Always do your best.
Life Prayers
There are moments when wellness escapes us,
moments when pain and suffering
are not dim possibilities
but all too agonizing realities.
At such moments we must open ourselves to healing.
Much we can do for ourselves;
and what we can do
we must do –
healing,
no less than illness,
is participatory.
But even when we do all we can do
there is,
often,
still much left to be done.
And so we turn as well to our healers
seeking their skill to aid in our struggle for wellness.
But even when they do all they can do
there is,
often,
still much left to be done.
And so we turn to Life,
to the vast Power of Being that animates the universe
as the ocean animates the wave,
seeking to let go of that which blocks our healing.
May those whose lives are gripped in the palm of suffering
open
even now
to the Wonder of Life.
May they let go of the hurt
and Meet the True Self beyond pain,
the Uncarved Block
that is our joyous unity with Holiness.
May they discover through pain and torment
the strength to live with grace and humor.
May they discover through doubt and anguish
the strength to live with dignity and holiness.
May they discover through suffering and fear
the strength to move toward healing.
Healer:
Open your eyes and look at each other. Truly see one another. Regardless of anything else, know in your very soul that these people love you. Nothing that is said here today is spoken in retribution. Nothing that is said is meant to be a weapon. You may hurt because of what is said, but be aware that the pain is your own, and do your best to let that pain wash away.
The Healer holds up the talking stick.
Healer:
I want each person in turn to take a couple of minutes and say something positive about each of the others here. Take your time. Speak only the positive at this moment.
The Healer hands the talking stick to the first person. Allow each person to say something positive and work around the circle. If necessary for the participants, an egg timer or other timing device may be used. If anyone begins to wander into the negative, the Healer should gently nudge them back to positive commentary.
Healer:
Thank you. Everyone take a deep, cleansing breath. If you feel any stress right now, try and let it go out with the breath. Take a moment to look at your symbol on the altar, and at all the other symbols. Remember that we are in safe space, present here to heal.
The Healer holds the talking stick again and waits patiently until people are once more settled. It may take a few moments depending on the depth of what was shared.
Healer:
Now we will begin to address the problems. As the talking stick goes around, I want you to say one negative thing. Keep in mind that this is not an attack of any kind. Be responsible in your communication. Ask yourself, Is what I am about to say true? Is what I am about to say necessary? Is it helpful? Does it have the potential to cause harm? Is this the appropriate time and place to say this? Am I willing to accept full responsibility for saying this? Share your truth, be honest with yourself and with us, but work diligently to speak without attack or external anger. Again, find within yourself one criticism of each person, one thing that truly bothers you in regards to them, and speak it quietly and with loving honesty.
The Healer hands the talking stick to the person who was last, previously. Allow each person to say their critique and work around the circle. If necessary for the participants, an egg timer or other timing device may be used. If anyone begins to wander into attacks or depression, the Healer should gently remind them of the process being practiced.
Healer:
Thank you. Thank yourselves. That was difficult and stressful, for everyone. Take a few moments to breathe, to ground the tension. Please be silent as you do this; this is not the right time to talk to one another. Think on what you heard, and attempt to let it pass over and through you.
The Healer holds sacred space for a few moments, letting people ground and center again. If necessary, this can be guided, though it is best to allow people to struggle a bit on their own. This process is painful, and often the struggle itself is healing.
Healer:
The talking stick is going to go around again. This time, I want you to think of solutions. You heard the critiques of the others. Be aware that even if you don't consider their critique to be “real” or “valid,” it is still how they feel, and in that, it is real. Consider what you can do to help the other person work through their difficulties with you. It isn't your job to make them feel better, but know that a small change on your part could bring about the space needed for healing on the other's part. This portion of our ceremony will take a little longer, and there may be a bit of back and forth if you need reminding of the other person's critique. Keep back-and-forth communication to a minimum – this is not a time for debate, but time for thinking and pondering, and for giving a little bit.
The Healer hands the talking stick to the person who was last, previously. Allow each person to speak their solution and work around the circle. If necessary for the participants, an egg timer or other timing device may be used. If anyone begins to wander, get into conversations or dialogue, the Healer should gently remind them of the process and guide them back to the task at hand.
Healer:
Thank you. Thank one another. Take a moment and assess how you are feeling right now. Remember to breathe!
The Healer will continue to hold sacred space. A small amount of back and forth can be enjoyed at this moment, but should be kept brief and on task. At the end of it, the Healer should bring everyone's attention back to herself, and the talking stick.
Healer:
This last time the talking stick goes around our circle, I want you to make an, “I need” statement. It can be to a specific person, or to the group as a whole. This should not be a statement that includes someone else. For example, you should not say, “I need John Smith to stop getting the children riled up at bedtime.” Instead, it should be more general, such as, “I need help calming the children at bedtime.”
The Healer hands the talking stick to the person who was last, previously. Allow each person to state their need and work around the circle. If necessary for the participants, an egg timer or other timing device may be used. If anyone begins to involve others instead of self, the Healer should gently remind them of the process and guide them back to the task at hand.
Healer:
Thank you. Thank ourselves for allowing this process to happen. At this time, I'd like you all to join hands and look at one another. Consciously open your heart to these people who care enough about this relationship to be here doing this difficult thing. Continue to look at one another as I speak.
The Healer will stay outside the circle of relationship that is being formed, and allow it to grow as it will.
Healer:
Divine, by the many names we call you, thank you for being with us. Thank you for holding us. Thank you for cherishing us. As we walk away from this ceremony, let these raw souls be touched with healing balm. Let them remember again the joy of living and loving one another. Help them to communicate with one another effectively and lovingly over the days and weeks that follow.
As they work through all that has been revealed in this ceremony, they will find that they are sore again. Just as a healing wound hurts, itches, and causes discomfort, so the healing of these emotional wounds will be bothersome. May the gods of our hearts and souls wrap arms around them, not to suffocate or magically heal them but to give them the internal space to work through the pain. Let their words be seen and heard in the most positive and healing of ways. May they see one another with fresh eyes, with patience and understanding that they are only human. Amen.
The Healer brings everyone's attention back to her, and continues.
Healer:
It may be that you have much to say right now, or it could be that you want to be alone to think and meditate. Do your best to respect the needs of one another. Be aware of each other, and be supportive. Thank you, each one of you, for being here and being committed to healing.
Please join me in singing Go Now in Peace.
Go now in peace
Go now in peace
May the love of God surround us
Everywhere
Everywhere
We may go.
Healer:
And now, we all go in peace.
