"Marriage is that relation between (two people) in which the independence is equal,
the dependence mutual, and the obligation reciprocal."
-- Louis K. Anspacher
A Secular Ceremony
Before the wedding, the area should be prepared. All chairs should be in place. Any tables necessary should also be readied. Guests should be directed to their seats by ushers, or by the Minister. Quiet background music should play during this, but it should be different from the processional music.
Processional music should begin. In order, flower girl and/or ring bearer, followed by male attendants and the Groom, then female attendants and the Bride last. The Groom is accompanied by his parents. The Bride walks the aisle alone.
The Bride reaches the side of her Groom, and they stand, facing the Minister, but slightly off-side, so that the guests can see them.
Minister (to guests):
Blessings on all who are with us today. Blessings on those who, for whatever reason, were unable to attend. With the horizon our only walls, the sky our only ceiling, and the earth our floor, we meet here in nature to affirm the love of these two people, and to observe their joining together in marriage. This is an act as ancient as the history of the human race, and as new as each morning, for it speaks of the past and of the future, of the life of the individual and the existence of the community.
Groom and Bride are not new to this love. They have been together for many years, and have already created a family. Rather than using marriage as a way of starting a new relationship, they are choosing to unite in a new way, celebrating what has already begun and will continue to grow for years to come.
(To the couple:) Today, you declare the love and commitment you have expressed to each other many times before. Today, each of you declares for the whole world to see, that this other person has that special primary place in your life that can only be given to one other. You have decided to make the journey through life together, and to help each other make as much of it as two unique individuals can. Your families, who have given you life and sustenance, are here with you. Your friends are here, standing with you. Through all these people, you have become the two you are. All of them support you as you join your lives together.
To make this relationship work, takes more than love. It takes trust, to know in your hearts that you want only the best for each other. It takes dedication, to stay open to one another, to learn and grow, even when it is difficult to do so. And it takes faith, to go forward together without knowing what the future holds for you both. While love is our natural state of being, these other qualities are not as easy to come by. They are not a destination, but a journey.
Though it might seem, at times, that one gives or receives more than the other, this is an illusion. Each takes and gives what they need, one to the other. The truth is, that in giving what we can, we gain freedom of spirit, and peace.
Minister (to all):
Marriage is joyous, but is also serious and solemn. Therefore, if any person can show just and sufficient reason why these two persons may not be joined together in matrimony, let them now declare their reasons, or else from this time forward, keep their peace.
Minister pauses long enough to know there will be no objections, then turns to the couple.
Minister:
Groom, do you wish to take Bride as your wife?
Groom:
I do.
Minister:
Bride, do you wish to become Groom's wife?
Bride:
I do.
Minister:
Then join with me for a moment, in a spirit of prayer and meditation:
Minister (in prayer):
These two people have come together to become one. Let their union be blessed with laughter, joy, happiness, and great, abiding love. Yet, let them also be blessed with pain, sorrow, anger, and frustration. These things, too, are important to life, and the appreciation of that which we now have. Without the negative, we cannot truly understand the positive. One without the other is incomplete, and indeed is not life, but stagnation. It is our hope that each angry word be followed by a passionate kiss. Let them live separately, each a human being in their own right; but let them live together, helping each other through times both good and bad. Let their relationship be true, and real, with everything that goes along with that reality. Bless their union, and their marriage, with bonds stronger than steel. Amen.
Minister:
Who holds the rings?
The rings will be given to the couple. Groom will hold Bride's ring, and Bride will hold Groom's ring.
Minister:
Rings have a long and sometimes wild heritage. As far back as we know, rings have been a part of wedding ceremonies. The ancient Egyptians were the first to use them, unending circles, to represent continuity, a love that has no end. In more recent history, rings were part of a bride price. The more beautiful and well connected a young lady was, the larger her ring should be, to show that she was paid for, and belonged to her husband. Rings, today, are a symbol of fidelity, of commitment. They show the world that these two people have a strong bond between them. And yet, they still show what the ancients intended, love without end.
Minister (to Groom):
Do you, Groom, take Bride as your wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish throughout your life together?
Groom:
I do.
Minister (to Bride):
Do you, Bride, take Groom as your lawful husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and obey throughout your life together?
Bride:
I do.
Minister:
Then speak your vows to each other.
Groom:
Bride, I, (Groom's full, legal name), choose you to be mine.
I promise freely from this day forward
To be worthy of your trust and deserving of your confidence
To be generous with my time, my energy and my love;
To be patient with you and with myself,
To return love, tolerance, and generosity to your family.
To trust you;
To be devoted to you and our life together.
These things I pledge before you, myself, our friends, and our family.
Bride:
Groom, I, (Bride's full, legal name), choose you to be my husband.
I promise freely from this day forward
To be worthy of your trust and deserving of your confidence;
To be generous with my time, my energy and my love;
To be patient with you and with myself,
To return love, tolerance, and generosity to your family.
To trust you;
To be devoted to you and our life together.
These things I pledge before you, myself, our friends, and our family.
Minister:
Marriage is not a sacrament which is performed by priest or deacon. It is given by the bride and groom to each other - they administer the sacrament to one another. We have all witnessed that sacrament today, in your presence. By the power vested in me, by the State of (State name), I now pronounce you husband and wife. Groom, you may now kiss your bride!
The kiss will happen now. When things quiet down, continue.
Minister:
I leave you with the time-worn words of Max Ehrmann, from his poem Desiderata:
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
Minister:
Please turn and face your guests. I now have the honor of being the first to introduce to you, Mr. and Mrs. (Last Name)!
The recessional happens, and the couple and Minister retire somewhere to sign the paperwork.
Processional music should begin. In order, flower girl and/or ring bearer, followed by male attendants and the Groom, then female attendants and the Bride last. The Groom is accompanied by his parents. The Bride walks the aisle alone.
The Bride reaches the side of her Groom, and they stand, facing the Minister, but slightly off-side, so that the guests can see them.
Minister (to guests):
Blessings on all who are with us today. Blessings on those who, for whatever reason, were unable to attend. With the horizon our only walls, the sky our only ceiling, and the earth our floor, we meet here in nature to affirm the love of these two people, and to observe their joining together in marriage. This is an act as ancient as the history of the human race, and as new as each morning, for it speaks of the past and of the future, of the life of the individual and the existence of the community.
Groom and Bride are not new to this love. They have been together for many years, and have already created a family. Rather than using marriage as a way of starting a new relationship, they are choosing to unite in a new way, celebrating what has already begun and will continue to grow for years to come.
(To the couple:) Today, you declare the love and commitment you have expressed to each other many times before. Today, each of you declares for the whole world to see, that this other person has that special primary place in your life that can only be given to one other. You have decided to make the journey through life together, and to help each other make as much of it as two unique individuals can. Your families, who have given you life and sustenance, are here with you. Your friends are here, standing with you. Through all these people, you have become the two you are. All of them support you as you join your lives together.
To make this relationship work, takes more than love. It takes trust, to know in your hearts that you want only the best for each other. It takes dedication, to stay open to one another, to learn and grow, even when it is difficult to do so. And it takes faith, to go forward together without knowing what the future holds for you both. While love is our natural state of being, these other qualities are not as easy to come by. They are not a destination, but a journey.
Though it might seem, at times, that one gives or receives more than the other, this is an illusion. Each takes and gives what they need, one to the other. The truth is, that in giving what we can, we gain freedom of spirit, and peace.
Minister (to all):
Marriage is joyous, but is also serious and solemn. Therefore, if any person can show just and sufficient reason why these two persons may not be joined together in matrimony, let them now declare their reasons, or else from this time forward, keep their peace.
Minister pauses long enough to know there will be no objections, then turns to the couple.
Minister:
Groom, do you wish to take Bride as your wife?
Groom:
I do.
Minister:
Bride, do you wish to become Groom's wife?
Bride:
I do.
Minister:
Then join with me for a moment, in a spirit of prayer and meditation:
Minister (in prayer):
These two people have come together to become one. Let their union be blessed with laughter, joy, happiness, and great, abiding love. Yet, let them also be blessed with pain, sorrow, anger, and frustration. These things, too, are important to life, and the appreciation of that which we now have. Without the negative, we cannot truly understand the positive. One without the other is incomplete, and indeed is not life, but stagnation. It is our hope that each angry word be followed by a passionate kiss. Let them live separately, each a human being in their own right; but let them live together, helping each other through times both good and bad. Let their relationship be true, and real, with everything that goes along with that reality. Bless their union, and their marriage, with bonds stronger than steel. Amen.
Minister:
Who holds the rings?
The rings will be given to the couple. Groom will hold Bride's ring, and Bride will hold Groom's ring.
Minister:
Rings have a long and sometimes wild heritage. As far back as we know, rings have been a part of wedding ceremonies. The ancient Egyptians were the first to use them, unending circles, to represent continuity, a love that has no end. In more recent history, rings were part of a bride price. The more beautiful and well connected a young lady was, the larger her ring should be, to show that she was paid for, and belonged to her husband. Rings, today, are a symbol of fidelity, of commitment. They show the world that these two people have a strong bond between them. And yet, they still show what the ancients intended, love without end.
Minister (to Groom):
Do you, Groom, take Bride as your wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish throughout your life together?
Groom:
I do.
Minister (to Bride):
Do you, Bride, take Groom as your lawful husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and obey throughout your life together?
Bride:
I do.
Minister:
Then speak your vows to each other.
Groom:
Bride, I, (Groom's full, legal name), choose you to be mine.
I promise freely from this day forward
To be worthy of your trust and deserving of your confidence
To be generous with my time, my energy and my love;
To be patient with you and with myself,
To return love, tolerance, and generosity to your family.
To trust you;
To be devoted to you and our life together.
These things I pledge before you, myself, our friends, and our family.
Bride:
Groom, I, (Bride's full, legal name), choose you to be my husband.
I promise freely from this day forward
To be worthy of your trust and deserving of your confidence;
To be generous with my time, my energy and my love;
To be patient with you and with myself,
To return love, tolerance, and generosity to your family.
To trust you;
To be devoted to you and our life together.
These things I pledge before you, myself, our friends, and our family.
Minister:
Marriage is not a sacrament which is performed by priest or deacon. It is given by the bride and groom to each other - they administer the sacrament to one another. We have all witnessed that sacrament today, in your presence. By the power vested in me, by the State of (State name), I now pronounce you husband and wife. Groom, you may now kiss your bride!
The kiss will happen now. When things quiet down, continue.
Minister:
I leave you with the time-worn words of Max Ehrmann, from his poem Desiderata:
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
Minister:
Please turn and face your guests. I now have the honor of being the first to introduce to you, Mr. and Mrs. (Last Name)!
The recessional happens, and the couple and Minister retire somewhere to sign the paperwork.
